“Dear Lord, Please Don’t Let My Daughter Crap In Her Leotard.”

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Parenting is hard and requires a sense of humor.  It also doesn’t hurt to ask for a little divine intervention once in a while.  Thus, we pray as a family before dinner, and the adorable prayers of my twin three-year-olds are both entertaining and impressive.  My favorite was when my daughter prayed “thank you for the meal, and thank you for… breast,” as she saw what her little brother was having for dinner.  However, I will be the first to admit that my own prayers often become a bit distorted and I catch myself asking God for help with my first-world parent problems.  Here are some of my prayers, and I would love to hear some of yours in the comments below!

“Please Lord, let the children keep sleeping while I savor at least 5 sips of HOT coffee.”

“Oh God, please let that be oatmeal that she just licked off her sister’s face.”

“Lord, please let me get through this 2PM work call before daycare calls me to pick up my sick kid.  And forgive me for sending a sick kid to daycare… again.”

“Oh for the love of… please let that be mud.”

“Dear God, please let this excursion be entertaining and distracting because I forgot to pack snacks.”

“Dear Lord, for the sake of my marriage, please don’t let the baby wake up again until my husband and I finish having sex.”

“Dear God, forgive me for praying about sex.” (I attribute this one to good old Catholic guilt.)

“God, please don’t let my daughters have a weird co-dependence on each other just because I make them hold hands everywhere we go.”

“Oh God, forgive me for feeding my kids french fries for dinner just so I can have a beer and 15 minutes of adult conversation at this festival.”

“Oh dear Lord please don’t let me get pulled over while I pump and drive… or get into an accident.”

“Dear Lord, please don’t let my daughter crap in her leotard.  Please tell me she’s sitting down in the middle of gymnastics because she’s just tired.”

“Dear God, let that screaming be someone else’s kid.”

“Dear Jesus, I know I ask a lot of you but give us one, JUST ONE family photo where everyone looks relatively happy so I can post this thing on Facebook.”

“Dear God, thank you so much for these beautiful, amazing, unique and special creatures you have trusted us with.  What were you thinking trusting us?!  Please don’t let us mess them up too badly.”

“Our Father, who art in heaven… did I remember to pack lunches?”

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Jolene
Jolene grew up in Luxemburg, WI. After going to college in Stevens Point and working for a year in the Milwaukee area, she moved to De Pere, WI to get married, start a family, and pursue her career. Both the youngest of six, Jolene and her husband always wanted a big family. After struggling to get pregnant, their family was jump-started by having identical twin girls, Eden and Ellie, who are now 5. Then came Jude, who will be 3 in August, and they just welcomed James, Baby #4, in June. Both she and her husband work, and Jolene owns her own company, www.howtoconcerts.com, planning large scale entertainment events across the country. Because she has to travel for work, Jolene has used a breast pump while flying, driving, walking and talking, and has the war stories to prove it. Her keys to success (aka survival) are the members of her support system, starting with her husband and extended family, and ending with good coffee and a sense of humor.