Spring brings new life, new love, new babies, and in-laws are involved with all of it. I am currently planning a trip to go to San Diego with my Mother-in-Law. I am so freaking excited. That is not something I ever thought I would say! When you get married it is easy to overlook some important aspects. It is not all lace, chalkboard signs, and cake tastings. You get way more than just a new partner in life or someone to nag when they leave the strawberries out overnight. You get their family. (Can someone add a serious sound effect here?)
We have lived pretty far away from my in-laws for most of our dating and married life but that is not the case for most. According to Quoctrung Bui and Claire Cain, New York Times, most Americans live within 18 miles of their families. Not only does a family play a huge role in your partners life, they did raise them afterall, but they can add a huge amount of relief or stress to your life as well. I think it is important to acknowledge the relationship with your partner’s family. The importance of family is very obvious in so many cultures, we see it imitated on some of our favorite television shows, but don’t we talk about it when we are getting serious with someone? What can we do as the significant other to strengthen these relationships?
1) Talk about it.
Let’s talk about families. Let’s talk about their expectations, i.e. what holidays would they like to see us at, and what if we don’t, what life experiences do they want to be a part of, and what if we don’t. Often frustration comes out of unmet expectations. Talking about these issues with your partner and their family can help negate unneeded disappointment and frustration.
2) Make some topics off limits.
There may be topics neither party is willing to bend on. It may be politics, religion, football teams (it’s okay if you do not like the Packers, your just wrong), or vaccines. Sometimes setting a rule regarding those hot topics and not discussing them at family gatherings is okay. If few rules can make family functions less stressful, and you get to eat stress-free, guilt-free pie, isn’t the first awkward conversation worth it?
3) Loyalty and Discretion
I learned a long time ago that I will forgive my spouse way quicker than my family will. With that in mind, I am much more thoughtful on what I may share with my family and in-laws regarding our problems. I am certain they also know that when it comes down to it my loyalty in an issue will always lie with my partner. Where we may later have a private discussion on an issue, it is important for them to feel supported and in the end for their family to see that their brother, sister, child, is supported by their significant other.
In the end, there is so much that will affect your relationship with your partner, ensuring we discuss an important topic like family may prove to be just as important as money, politics, life choices, careers, etc. Hopefully, you luck out, like I did, and your in-laws will just rock.
