Anyone else feel like they will never sleep again?? Between pregnancy insomnia, newborn feedings, crazy busy days, and the months (possibly years) until your baby sleeps through the night, sleeping well can seem like a distant memory. Most of the time exhaustion is my new normal these days, but every once in a while, usually when I am really sleep deprived, it truly feels like I will never get a full night of sleep again (that can’t possibly be true though, right?!?).
A whole world comes alive during the night. It is a silent world, one much different than my days spent with three little ones. Only the sounds of the air conditioning, my baby suckling, his tiny breaths, and the rocking of a recliner can be heard. Some nights I relish in this music to my ears, knowing that this little guy wants me and only me. My body is nourishing him and soothing him into a dream filled sleep. I can only imagine how long this will continue and know some day he’ll probably want nothing to do with me any longer. On those nights, I hold him a little tighter and a little longer, thinking he could not be any sweeter.
Other nights, when we spend a lot more time together than I expect, I start to lose my perspective. I sure love my boy, but oh how sweet he is when he sleeps well! Those seemingly endless nights when I have seen way too many hours on the clock and can barely keep my eyes open. The only thing on my mind is sleep. It wouldn’t be so challenging if I knew I would rest eventually. Funny thing is, you can never really catch up. Maybe I can start catching up that miraculous day when he does decide to sleep all night. Maybe then. A mom can dream, right?
I silently say a prayer, as my twin toddlers are fast asleep dreaming of all their fun adventures (just about everything is a new adventure when you are two). The sun will soon rise and morning will come quickly. I am thankful at least some of the people in our house are getting rest.
Even through the exhaustion, my son’s love and perfection get me every time. Every time. I may be beyond sleep deprived, but I am loved, and my son knows he is loved and safe in my arms. Cheers to the nighttime snuggles that won’t last forever! Now if only I drank caffeine and could raise my mug to all the other sleep deprived mamas out there. We will sleep again.
