Tonight I held my son, Sam (who just turned one), long after he had drifted off to dreamland. Not because I didn’t have one million other things to do (trust me, my house could use a good picking up and full-out clean). Tonight, when I gave him his bottle and rocked him to sleep, I didn’t care if I was breaking all the “rules”. I know that we should get rid of bottles soon and he really should be putting himself to sleep by now. With my first, I followed every “rule” or guideline I read or that my doctor mentioned. I wanted to do everything just right. I wanted it to be perfect. With my first, I sanitized every pacifier that hit the floor. I made sure every bottle was the exact temperature she liked. I brought her in for every sniffle she had. I was a first-time, wo
rried mother and I wanted to be the best. I also rejoiced when I didn’t have to clean another bottle!
I read about the second-child syndrome when I was pregnant with my second and heard many moms talk about how different it is once you have more than one child. However, I vowed that I would give my second child just as much attention as my first. I didn’t want my second child to feel any less love from me.
I am sure many parents have mastered this juggling act, but I am still learning. I sometimes feel guilty that Sam doesn’t always get the same one on one time that Liv (my oldest) got when she was younger. With two little ones keeping me busy now, I’ve had to divide my attention at times. With two toddlers, our life is chaotic. Most days they are running in opposite directions! Sam has often had to cry a few minutes longer as I take care of his older sister. He has had to wait longer for lunches as I try to dish out plates that make them both happy. I no longer have time to make sure his bottles are just the right temperature. I often “dust off” the dropped pacifier and don’t think twice. I am putting off the disappearance of bottles (not that I will miss cleaning them) but because they are a sign that my baby is growing older.
So, in the quiet moments when it is just Sam and I, I hold him a little longer, squeeze him a little tighter and cherish every minute with my second child. The days seem to be passing faster and my baby is growing quicker than I want him to. As my children grow, I want Liv to know that she will always be my first, Sam to know that he will always be my baby and both to know that my heart will always be bursting full of love for both of them!
